I have no time in the morning. I don’t even have time to spell breakfast. Monday through Friday it’s b’fast. A working girl’s gotta b fast if she’s going to get to the office on time. I’m supposed to be there by 8 am, so naturally I set my alarm for 7:30, snooze twice, then realize goddamn it, it’s already 7:48?! and sprint around the house debating whether my hair really needs brushing before I grab my suitcase of food, pull on my pants next to the car door, and drive off to work at 7:52.

Needless to say, I often end up driving to work in my slippers and without underwear (it’s cool though, I’ve learned to keep emergency clothing and shoes in the backseat of my car). Did I mention I’m not a morning person? Even so, the one thing I refuse to half ass in the morning is my b’fast. I may walk into the office a hot mess, but my b’fast is always fine and fabulous and that’s what matters. I don’t think my boss agrees.

This morning routine requires me to think about my first meal of the day ahead of time, unless I want to get stuck with shitty oatmeal or a poorly planned kale smoothie. I either assemble b’fast the night before or prepare a couple days worth at a time.

I prefer savory foods in the morning, and b’fast hash is where it’s at for all you fellow salt vampires. This hash is uncomplicated and can easily be made ahead and reheated. This recent and tasty incarnation hits all the high notes of a good meal: slightly sweet, remarkably hearty, and brimming with umami. Seitan, the star of this recipe, is pretty awesome: rich in iron, 15g of protein per serving, and few carbohydrates. Using an 8 oz package, this hash recipe has 60g of protein. So to all the peeps trying to diss my diet, suck it.

I should note that I was not always such an enthusiastic b’fast person, but when I started college and suddenly had to wake up at 5:30 am in the frigid darkness that is winter in Boston, I started eating it. Maybe it was the shock of witnessing the stupid sun rise every day. Maybe it was the constant dread of walking a mile to class in subzero temperatures. Maybe it was the crack-like granola in the dining hall. All I know is, I started doing the b’fast thang. And if you ain’t, maybe this recipe will change your mind.

B’fast Hash

Serves 2, unless you’re starving.

• 8 oz package of seitan
• ½ red onion
• ½ orange, red, or yellow bell pepper
• 6 brussel sprouts
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1 jalapeño
• 2 tbs BBQ sauce
• 2 tbs olive oil
• 1 tbs liquid aminos or soy sauce
• 2 tsp chili powder
• Herbamare/salt and pepper to taste
• Toppings of your choice: avocado, tomato, scallion, baby spinach, chive, basil…

Aight let’s get down to it. Thinly slice the onion, pepper, and jalapeño. Mince the garlic. Shred or finely chop the brussel sprouts. If your seitan isn’t crumbly already crumble it with your hands or hack at it with a knife.

Put 1 tbs olive oil in a frying pan over medium heat and throw the onions in there. Let those sizzle for 3 minutes or so. Add the garlic, pepper, jalapeño, and brussels. Stir and then let the mixture fry for 3-5 minutes, agitating occasionally.

Once the mix starts to brown, push it aside in the frying pan and add the other tbs olive oil and seitan. Let it get brown and crispy in the oil for 3 minutes or so. Add the BBQ sauce and chili powder and mix everything together. Then let the hash chill out and caramelize in the pan for 5-10 minutes. You want it browned, caramelized, and almost charred in places. It’s kind of what makes a b’fast hash a b’fast hash. Then add the liquid aminos. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook for one more minute, stirring to incorporate the last additions.

And now you have part of your morning sorted out already! How organized is that? Just don’t forget your shoes. Or your underwear. Or your dignity.

Notes & Tips:

1. Use your fave BBQ sauce in this recipe. For realz, Annie’s BBQ sauce is totes ridic. It’s the obvi choice for this recipe. This abbreviated talk is adorbs. Nope.
2. Are you celiac / not a fan of seitan / an idiot? You can sub tofu, tempeh, potatoes…anything with a hearty and / or meaty quality. Jk about the idiot part.
3. But seriously, if seitan doesn’t slowly destroy your organs, you should give it a try. I’ve had a difficult time trying to unearth seitan in Atlanta, but I finally found this stuff in Sevananda. I use the traditional seitan. It’s not labelled organic, but it’s GMO free and I can’t find organic seitan so whatever.
4. If it’s not obvious by now, I am a flagrant spice zealot. You can seed the jalapeño or leave it out if you can’t handle the heat, but at least add a dash of sriracha or a sprinkle of red pepper flakes.
5. Fresh, raw toppings make this dish pop. I like to top my hash with tomato, scallion, and avocado.

***Originally posted 6/2014***